


Clotheslined

by Leggo My Lego Harry Potter (Runic_Purple_Panda)



Series: Old Ideas from Fanfiction.net [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, LEGO Harry Potter (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, Hagrid does to Lockhart what Switowski did to Dunham in The Longest Yard remake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 22:44:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9463736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runic_Purple_Panda/pseuds/Leggo%20My%20Lego%20Harry%20Potter
Summary: Lockhart takes off running when Harry and Ron tell him they know where the Chamber is.  That is, until Hagrid stops him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This one is based on watching Lockhart run off and wishing someone had smacked him down. So it wasn’t quite based on free play, but still on the games. Obviously, Hagrid didn’t get sent to Azkaban in this au. Though it's not mentioned, assume the Golden Trio had something to do with that.

“We think we know where the Chamber is, Professor,” Harry said.

“And since you know what the creature is and how to kill it, you’ll be able to…save…my…sister…Harry?”

“Yeah Ron?”

“Is he actually running away or I’m just hallucinating that?”

“If you are, I am too.”

“Oh.  AFTER HIM!”

Ron and Harry took off after Lockhart.

“Wait, Professor!  What about my sister!?”

Lockhart didn’t answer.  If anything, he actually managed to speed up.  Ron and Harry took a corner to see him already down the stairs.  They also saw Hagrid at the other end of the hall Lockhart was running down.

“Hagrid!” Ron yelled.

“Stop him!” Harry said, pointing at Lockhart.

It should be known at this point that Hagrid had no idea what was going on.  He saw a ~~n annoying pompous windbag~~ Hogwarts teacher being chased by two of his three favorite students who were asking him to stop the ~~windbag~~ teacher.

Lockhart had been annoying all the staff for the entire year, including Hagrid, and Hagrid was sure that the boys had a good reason for chasing him.  So when Lockhart was trying to pass him, Hagrid held his arm out.

And [clotheslined](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=clothesline&defid=754072) him.

Lockhart’s bottom half tried to keep going as his top half was stopped suddenly, and he actually flipped around Hagrid’s arm out twice before falling off and landing on the ground, face down.  Harry and Ron saw an odd stain on his robes.

“I think he just shit himself,” Ron said.

Hagrid, who couldn’t see the stain from his spot in the hall, took several obvious sniffs of the air, before saying, “I think I made him shit himself.”  Hagrid maneuvered around Lockhart and caught sight of the stain.  “I _did_ make him shit himself!  We should probably take him to Madam Pomfrey.”

“What about my sister!?” Ron said.  “She’s been taken to the Chamber of Secrets!  There’s a basilisk in there!”

“A basilisk?  Are ya sure, Ron?”

“Hermione’s the one who figured it out,” Harry said.

“Well then, it’s definitely a basilisk.  Hang on, I think I’ve got – “ Hagrid began searching through his various pockets and eventually pulled out a rooster.  “Here we are.  I don’t suppose you know where this Chamber is, now do ya?”

“We do,” Harry confirmed.  “This way.”

* * *

Later, after the death of the basilisk (“Poor little beastie,” Hagrid said.  “But it shouldna tried to bite me.  Ya gotta be firm with the beasties, Harry.  Very firm.”), the destruction of the diary (“What is that smell?” Riddle asked.  “Hagrid made Lockhart shit himself,” Ron said, before stabbing the diary onto the fang still inside the now dead basilisk’s mouth.), and the saving of Ginny (“My hero!” Ginny yelled, hugging Harry excitedly.  “What’re we?  Chopped liver?” Ron asked Hagrid, who shrugged in reply.), Hagrid brought their group to the Hospital wing.

“Dear Merlin, that guy shit himself big time,” Pomfrey said, looking at Lockhart.  “Stick him over there in the corner.  I don’t want to smell him while I’m looking over Potter and the Weasleys.  Now, Ms. Weasley sit on that bed, Mr. Weasley that one, and Mr. Potter that one there.  Let’s see if I can get through all of you before Molly Weasley comes in and tries to suffocate you with one of her hugs.”

Ron groaned, “Mum’s gonna kill us.”

“I think you mean, Mum’s gonna kill _you_ ,” Ginny said.  “I’m her perfect little princess and Harry can do no wrong.”

Ron groaned again.

**Author's Note:**

> The ‘I think I made him shit himself’ parts come from [The Longest Yard](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Film/TheLongestYard) (at least the Adam Sandler remake. I haven’t seen the original one).


End file.
